Sunday, July 1, 2018

The x ton phone

..Actions speak louder than words, non-action speaks a million words.

I had always heard of the 20, 30, million ton phone. Basically it was someone talking about how they stopped or were not reaching out anymore and as a result felt they jeopardized their sobriety.

I have done that, not picked up the phone and called folks. My reasons were simple; I did not want to talk to anyone or I simply had no reason to really talk to anyone. I'd say this and I get branded as isolating or in the vernacular of the current time "alone time shamed". This would get under my skin and I would walk around with some simmering emotions; do I talk about it and face further ridicule or not talk about it and (now) prove them right? After a few years, I stopped giving a fuck and chose to be alone as much as possible.

The other thing is thing this 'heavy phone syndrome' was something I saw mainly among newcomers or folks with time under 3-4 years. I don't think I ever saw it in folks with time longer than that, I just assumed that they took care of that shit and now have a very light phone.

I left aa and lo and behold I discovered a whole new crowd of 'heavy phone' people. They were people with time, lots of time like decades. They would talk to friends in common, text me, send me FB messages, DM me on Twitter or Instagram. I would tell them, here is my number, you can call me anytime.

You know how many phone calls I have gotten since I started replying? NONE! Not one. It really does not bother me and some how it's incredibly okay. I don't even resent it nor does it upset me. It does surprise the fuck out of me. A lot of these folks were talking some game of incredible stature and stability, I thought they would have nary any hesitation picking up the phone to chat with someone. I was wrong, I hope they know they are wrong.. they are in fact carrying a box of tools with some unused. I'd advise them to stop lying just how skilled they are, actions speak a thousand words.

I could also be wrong in the above paragraph, it could simply be that all that time a certain ego develops and one becomes a needy worm that simply 'can't be the one to call', they need the affirmation and validation of people calling them as if to say 'I'm the authority'.

The thing that does bother me is that these folks with time are out there offering guidance, direction and consolation dishonestly. They are teaching vulnerable people a very dangerous excuse; that it's okay to avoid things because we all put ourselves on a pedestal and sometimes we don't pick up your phone. Sounds like a recipe for dying needlessly.

I can only speak to my experience but for the most part, I always picked up my phone and I tried to always answer it. I have picked up the phone and called when; I lost family, I lost jobs, I lost money, I lost sleep, I lost my way, I lost my patience, I lost my faith, I lost someone, I lost me. I also picked up the phone when I got; all the above. I recall many nights getting out of bed and getting in my car then driving across the city to help someone, I never talked about it until now. I wonder how many people with time ever did the same or did they only do it when would gain something as 'aa is a selfish program'.

I hope they stop perpetuating the 'x ton phone' construct, it's clearly a decision someone makes and not a part of recovery or sobriety but once it becomes a part of 'it's because you are an alcoholic/addict..' speak, it does nothing for the newcomer or suffering, it only maintains the mythology of 'with time' since it was usually all them 'time' folks telling people to pick up their phone.

Actions speak louder than words, non-action speaks a million words... 

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