Saturday, February 17, 2018

Walking on eggshellls

One of the things that drove me crazy, quite literally at times, was that I constantly had to watch what I said or how I said it when around folks in aa.

First and foremost I interact with other groups wherein I tend to mind my language and behavior however in those other groups this is a 2 way street. Good manners and mindful behavior is often reciprocated.

In aa, I hardly seen this be the case. Most people in aa are ready to drop f bombs, be dramatic and act without any regard for public or private decorum. However when someone has a bad day and they might be letting off some steam (and out of character) with some expletives or calling the world on it's shit, they usually get judged (get their inventory taken) with impunity by the people that never demonstrate any other way to behave. I never could understand how these folks felt entitled alone to some misbehavior but could judge others for something they themselves habitually did. This was usually followed by a few rounds of gossip over the next few days.

If the person wasn't judged, somehow someone would turn the shit show about them. Either they would one-up the person upset or find some way to make sure they got attention from another persons' vent or find some way so it seemed like they were the target of venter. Some people are professional victims, I suppose.

Being a person that chose to approach life in a mature way, it was frustrating walking on eggshells and being around people that really could not:

1. comprehend other people have bad days.
2. see that some times it's not about them.
3. listen and be there for others without judging or gossiping.

The worse was realizing that some people have never changed in the entire time I've known them in aa. I have pointed out this behavior at times to these folks I've known some time and was usually met with dismissal, social sabotage or quoting the big book or other aa sayings to justify their behavior. Craziest thing was when they confronted me about my something I said or did out of character, I would point to their arguments but they would be further offended and accuse me of something else.

Feel like you are on a emotional, social, logical, or intellectual hamster wheel when talking to aa folks, it's true. It's happened to me.

Some are sicker than others, well I am sure that's true but some choose to get sicker.

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